What should I tell the children about the child inclusive process?

We ask that you keep it simple and do not put any pressure on them. 

Our task is to make children feel at ease, talk to them about everyday things such as school, hobbies, and aspirations, and then gradually introduce discussions about their family. We will not be asking direct difficult questions or things that might upset them; instead, we are trying to make sure that they are dealing with the separation process and other challenges.   

Please do not try to guess the questions that we will ask, or give any suggestions about the replies your child should give or the things they should tell us. Children have a disarming way of telling us when they have been told what to say or what not to say, which does not help them, or the mediation process.  

After the session, please do not ask your child what went on. By all means, ask them what they thought of the Mediator or the office, but please do not put pressure on them to reveal what they said. If they decide to tell you what they said, that is their choice. The Mediator will seek the child’s permission about what they would like to share.  

One suggestion for children around 8 years of age and up is:

‘We have been speaking with a mediator who helps parents talk about things and make plans together for the children, so everyone knows what we are doing from week to week. The Mediator would like to have a chat with you to understand more about you and how you are feeling about things these days. It is up to you if you meet with them or not. You don’t have to make any decisions about where you want to live or anything like that; it is just a chance to see how you are doing and what your thoughts are about somethings that are happening at the moment. You can talk about what ever you like, and it is a private conversation between you and the Mediator.   The Mediator will only share information with us that you are comfortable with’.